Before me making my first blog post this year I kept hearing this calling to write but I refused to listen to that voice in my head that kept saying, “Write again. You need to write again.” The words kept whispering in my mind for months until I finally sat down and opened a blank word document and let my fingers start flowing to the background music.

The day prior, I had gone to a spiritual event and saw a medium who said that my cousin had a message for me. His message was to start writing again. I burst into tears because no one could possibly know that I had been thinking of writing again. My cousin said that I hold my emotions in and writing would help me to process and release them. It was the missing piece that I was searching for. He knew that it was the push that I needed from the Universe to finally start listening to that whisper.

Since I can remember my form of expressing my emotions has always been writing. When I was little my grandmother used to tell me that I was born to be a writer. I would write poems and short stories and she would tell me how great of a writer I was. It was how I knew to use my imagination. I can’t draw or paint to save my life so the only way to translate the things that I saw in my mind was by writing them down. I can’t remember exactly when I quit writing, but I remember feeling like writing was no longer fun. It was a task. I think after so many essays and research papers and writing with a purpose and not just for the fun of it, I was burned out. What I didn’t know is that abandoning that part of me also meant abandoning my emotions.

I can’t help but think that by starting to write again, I opened the floodgates for an emotional tsunami to take place. Here I was, drowning in emotions, wailing my arms above the tidal waves of life that kept crashing over me and hoping someone would pull me out or at least that my feet would find sand below and bury themselves into the ocean floor.

The emotional tsunami was a mix of events that have happened this year and have happened over the past few years that made me realize just how much I miss certain people and places. I also miss the rush of discovering new destinations and cultures. Somehow the person who craves adventure, mystery, and exciting experiences have reluctantly settled for the comfort of the known and I’m disappointed in myself.

How did I end up here? Why am I allowing myself to remain here? These are questions that I’ve been ruminating over. I still do not have the answers, but I do know that the life that I crave and the life that I was meant to live is not one of conformity. I’ve never been known to settle so why do it now? I need to start writing again to realize that I want and deserve so much more than what I’m living for right now.

In a previous post, I told you that I invited you along for the ride to rediscover and find my missing piece. This is part of it. Riding the tidal waves of emotions and questioning everything. We all want to know why we’re here. The almighty question of “What is my purpose?” Maybe we don’t have a purpose and maybe we do. Maybe mine is to write my journey through struggles and success. Maybe not. Who knows?

All I know is that if I’m going to be riding tidal waves of emotions, I might as well be surrounded by palm trees, and coconuts, and riding actual ocean waves. This means sooner, rather than later, I’ll be returning to the tropics and in a way returning to myself.

Until then, I’ll be envisioning myself near a massive body of water (that isn’t the Ohio River) and soaking in the sun while I sit on my bedroom floor and try to meditate.

P.S. This picture was taken during my first (and only) surf lesson ever. I was so excited because learning how to surf is something that I’ve wanted to do for years. I was stung by a sting ray shortly after this photo was taken. If that day isn’t the perfect analogy for life, I don’t know what is.