Quarantine has taken control of most people’s lives by now, which has brought up many ideas on what each of us should be doing to remain productive. One of the things that most people are doing during these times is watching to see what others do via social media. Being on social media during these times has us not only peaking into someone else’s world, but it is also forcing us to take a look inside our own. Watching other people live their best quarantine lives, create fantastic art, or always talk about how they’ve had a productive day can be quite exhausting, and it can also force us to judge ourselves for not doing the same. Don’t get me wrong, I applaud anyone who is taking this time to be productive, but for some of us, we need this moment to rest and reset. We need time to face our inner demons and work on our souls because being “busy” was keeping us from doing the actual work required.
In today’s society, the idea of being productive reinforces a constant need to be busy. The busier we are, the more successful we will be, at least that’s what the world makes us believe. Trust me, even I am guilty of thinking that the more a body is in motion, the more it gets accomplished, but what staying in place has taught me is that being busy isn’t always best.
When we first started to quarantine, my mind was all over the place, and all I kept thinking was, “How am I going to survive without a job?” “What am I going to do with my time?” “How am I going to stay busy and be productive?” “How can I make sure I stay healthy and that my mom stays healthy?” It was a nonstop reel of worry and fear. I went from having a good chunk of my life “figured out” to not having a clue what I am going to do, and this ignited an unexpected dark spiral downwards. While I was freaking out on the inside, I tried to keep my composure on the outside until finally, I broke down.
My breakdown was triggered by doing what once was a simple thing. I went to buy groceries for my mom and me and just the anxiety of finding everything we needed, and not knowing what we would do if I couldn’t find certain things was nerve-racking. Once I got everything into the car, I sat there and just cried. I never imagined seeing myself in a position where I didn’t have a solution or a way to get myself out of a problem, and here I was, no solution or quick fix in sight. I felt desperate, distressed, and pathetic. Crying in my car was the breaking point that I needed. It forced me to let go. The tears streaming down my face were the physical release of all of the stress and fear that had built up in my body and my mind.
It was after my meltdown that I decided that I would not let this situation get the best of me in any way, not physically, emotionally, or mentally. I decided that I wasn’t going to feed into the fear of the unknown, and instead, I was going to embrace the gift that the universe was handing me; time. Time to learn how to rest, to focus on what I genuinely want, and to reset my life.
Having time to relax and to go inside my own thoughts and desires has not only revealed new things about myself that were waiting to be discovered and uncovered, but it also made me question why do I have this constant need to be doing something. The truth is, just like the majority of humans, there are things that I’d prefer not to think about; therefore, I find a way to occupy my mind. This doesn’t just subdue the thoughts, but it also clutters the brain. Now that I’m at home with ample time to think, it has allowed me to see the ways that I try to avoid certain emotions and thoughts throughout the day, and it’s forced me to actually sit with them and confront them.
For some people, the thought of having to face our own thoughts may provoke fear or anxiety, and it’s understandable, but I do believe that this time has been gifted to use to do just that. Although, I find it wonderful that some people are still able to be extremely productive during these times, honestly, kudos to them. But to anyone who is struggling with adapting to these new times and finding themselves not being as “productive” as before, it’s okay. If you struggle to accomplish what were once routine tasks, don’t beat yourself up over it. Allow yourself this time to rest and search within. Ask yourself if these tasks genuinely make you feel fulfilled, or were they just filling time? By forcing us to put our lives on pause, the universe has now opened the door to discover our own truths, passions, and desires. Let this be the moment that you unearth what it is that makes you joyful.
Although the concept of resting and resetting was previously foreign to me, I’m taking advantage of this abundance of time and dedicating it to learning how to not be busy all the time. While others are busy working on their side hustle, inventing the next best thing, making extravagant meals from scratch, or reading a year’s worth of books, I’m working on resting and resetting. I’m living in the present and not worrying over what the future may bring. I’m allowing myself to rest, to feel, and to work through my emotions, and to simply be. And this, for now, is more than enough.
