Up until the other day, I had been doing a good job of staying as positive as possible about this entire situation. After seeing several posts on the internet about how someone else’s health and well being isn’t as important as one’s liberty, I lost it. The posts were about public officials requiring that people use masks in public. After seeing so many people refusing to wear a mask because it was an infringement upon their rights, I was engulfed in anger.
I had to sit with myself and ask myself why would someone else’s opinion or actions bother me so much. The best answer that I came up with is that I’m the type of person who would bend over backward to help someone who needed it, and I’m also the type of person who takes care of others. I put my needs and wants second when I know someone else needs my help. It’s just part of who I am, and I wouldn’t change that part of me for anything.
One of the reasons why I believe that I am so empathetic towards the life of others is because I’ve watched numerous family members die since I was a teenager. Watching someone actively die with your own eyes puts a lot of things into perspective. One of those things is the value of human life and how precious it is. We are here right now at this moment, but that can all change in the blink of an eye. We all say this, but not everyone fully comprehends the meaning of “Here today, gone tomorrow.”
Since I’ve stood by and watched several of my family members pass away, it has forever engraved images in my mind that I will never forget. For example, one of my last memories of my grandma is of her in a hospital bed, drowning on her own fluids in her lungs because of lung cancer. The image and sound of her drowning on her own fluids are still vivid memories that I live with.
People dying of COVID-19 are experiencing the same situation. Their lungs fill up with fluid, they can no longer breath, and they die. The difference between this situation and my grandmother dying is that I was able to say goodbye to my grandmother, in person. People now have to say their goodbyes via an iPad. It breaks my heart, knowing that people cannot hug or kiss their loved ones goodbye because I know how much those final moments can mean to someone after their loved one has passed.
Having dealt with death on so many levels over so many years, I’ve become sensitive to human life. I was so upset by others’ comments and actions because I felt like humanity has lost three essential things—love, compassion, and empathy. People saying that their right to choose whether or not to wear a mask is more important than the life of another is in my mind, unfathomable.
I have family members that are at high risk of contracting COVID-19, and it causes me stress and anxiety having to think about if I’m going to have to lose another family member and this time not even be able to say goodbye. The possibility of having to deal with another death has not only caused stress and anxiety, but it has also made me relive moments of grief. Last year, I lost my stepdad due to sudden death, and not having that “final goodbye” still breaks my heart. That is why I try to be compassionate, empathetic, and loving towards others. I try to take into consideration the health and well-being of those around me because I know what it feels like to lose someone, and I do not want to cause that pain for someone else.
After going to bed, mad at the world, I woke up and decided that I’m not going to be angry at the choices and opinions of others. I refuse to allow the beliefs of others to consume me and turn me into someone angry and bitter. The human experience is different for all of us, and although I know how awful it feels to lose someone close to you, many people, fortunately, do not. Although I may not agree with someone else’s opinion doesn’t mean that I need to allow their ideas to get the best of me.
Being empathetic to others can often mean becoming a sponge to other’s negativity as well, and I recognized that I was allowing myself to soak in negativity and allowing it to change my mood. I realized that this was not going to accomplish anything, nor was it healthy for my soul. After reminding myself that I cannot change the world, I can only change myself; I woke up with a different attitude. I truly believe in karma and reaping what we sow, so instead of sowing seeds of anger and hatred because there is already too much of that in our current world, I’m going to continue to be the person who is empathetic, compassionate, and loving.
Love and light to all of those souls who need it now more than ever. Including me. 💖
