Maybe lately you\u2019ve been thinking, \u201cWhere in the world is Janel?\u201d <\/em><\/strong>She doesn\u2019t post anything anymore, she doesn\u2019t tell crazy stories on Instagram anymore, and she hasn’t posted a selfie in ages. She’s disappeared. Honestly, I\u2019ve been thinking the same. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where in the hell am I?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I haven\u2019t felt like myself for months. I tried to search for myself in old photos, with walks through the park, and through periods of solitude and the truth is I\u2019m not sure where I\u2019ve gone. I know it may seem weird that I\u2019m talking about myself like this but the truth is, I don\u2019t feel like me and no matter how hard I try I still can\u2019t locate myself. Writing this is my attempt to find myself and reconnect to the person who thrives off of passion, adventure, travel, and an unquenchable thirst for life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, let\u2019s review start where the shit hit the fan. In October of 2021, my family received news about one of our family members’ health. It wasn\u2019t fatal but it was a shock. It was also the first domino to fall. Next came my cousin Ethan\u2019s suicide. After that, it seemed like life just kept unraveling in front of my eyes. 2022 has felt like one smack to the face after another. I\u2019ve felt like my life was a colossal dumpster fire and that no matter how many times I would try to take a step forward, life would push me ten back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2022 started off with me catching COVID at New Year for the first time since the pandemic started. Not to be outdone, the flu and strep throat thought it was time to make a visit as well and then tendonitis in my foot decided to enter the chat. The emotional mess was less disappointing than the physical ailments. My physical health is the one thing that for a while I felt I had control over and then 2022 came in and said, \u201cControl, what control?\u201d My body forced me to rest. The one thing I detest more than anything is not being able to be on the go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a while, the only thing I wanted was life to be uneventful.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Finally, that time has come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life has been pretty uneventful for the past two months and I\u2019ve felt like I\u2019m in recovery. Recovering from the emotional upheaval and the physical hell that I\u2019ve endured since the beginning of the year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2020 forced me to stay still, 2021 made me remain on pause, and in 2022 all I wanted to be was on the go.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Being the forever realist\/optimist that I am, I have to admit that it hasn\u2019t all been bad. I passed some of the hardest exams that I\u2019ve ever taken and made advancements in my career but with everything else being on fire around me, I didn\u2019t even celebrate my wins. I felt like they were small on the scale of things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most people think I\u2019m being ungrateful for my successes but that\u2019s not the case. I\u2019ve always held myself to the highest standard. My parents expected the best from me and I expected nothing less than excellence. My mom has always said, \u201cYou put so much pressure on yourself when you don\u2019t have to.\u201d And my response to her has always been, \u201cIf I don\u2019t, then who will?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That inner desire to constantly prove myself not only to others but to myself, more than anyone else, has been the fuel to the fire that lives inside of me. I remember years ago a friend of mine told me that the thing that she admired most about me is that when I set a goal and say I\u2019m going to do something, I always do it. Sooner or later it was accomplished. She said, \u201cYou always accomplish your dreams. Every single thing you\u2019ve told me that you\u2019ve dreamt of doing, you\u2019ve done it. Then you start chasing the next dream.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lately, I\u2019ve felt like I don\u2019t have dreams or goals. For an ambitious person to say that last sentence – it\u2019s soul-crushing. But here\u2019s the thing, my soul has felt crushed. The me who always sits down and writes a list of the top 10 places she wants to see and the top 10 things she wants to do by x date has been missing and the truth is \u2013 I miss her. I want that part of me back so badly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of why I\u2019m even writing this right now is because writing has always been what has led me back to myself and my truth. When I was in the biggest, deepest, darkest depression after my stepdad died, what forced me to return to myself was writing. I started this blog months after my dad died because I needed to find myself. The optimist, crazy, and life-loving person that I typically am. I knew she was still here but I had to put in the work to find her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So here I am, yet again, writing in order to find my missing piece. Of course, I\u2019m sharing it with the world but I\u2019m writing this for me. It\u2019s me pleading for my soul and my essence to return home. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s just say this post is my \u201cMISSING – HAVE YOU SEEN HER?\u201d ad except I don\u2019t have a cute puppy face to attach to it. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, I\u2019ve decided that I\u2019m going to start writing again and share it with the world. It will be personal stories, adventures, travels, and events. I know people follow me for travel tips and stories about my journeys across the globe and I still plan to include these types of pieces but for now, my writing is going to be about a different journey. The journey back to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re all invited to come along for the ride if you like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Janel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P.S. This first piece is dedicated to my cousin, Ethan. Thank you for the push from above. <3<\/h4>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maybe lately you\u2019ve been thinking, \u201cWhere in the world is Janel?\u201d She doesn\u2019t post anything anymore, she doesn\u2019t tell crazy stories on Instagram anymore, and she hasn’t posted a selfie in ages. She’s disappeared. Honestly, I\u2019ve been thinking the same. Where in the hell am I? I haven\u2019t felt like myself for months. I tried […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1429,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\n